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No matter how many times I danced in the rain or ate Ethiopian food or had sex in an elementary-school gymnasium, I could never quite convince them that I was as fun-loving and free-wheeling as I tried to be. " one guy said after sitting through a particularly grating diatribe on why I wanted to be a swan when I grew up.Eventually, after a string of unanswered text messages and averted hallway stop-and-chats, I had to admit that no, it wasn't.It's embarrassing to admit now, but I wanted to be worshipped for my uniqueness and lusted after for my adorkableness; I wanted to be the girl who made sensitive neurotics want to change their lives.So I modeled myself after an MPDG by doing the kind of weird, inexplicable shit that I saw make Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Paul Dano go jelly-kneed.And even though sex with me never concluded with an elaborate '80s musical number, it was good enough that it could have, had the right vocal arrangement been available; and I'm confident that neither of us would have chosen anything by The Smiths.After three years of dating this person — who probably couldn't tell the difference between Zooey Deschanel and Katy Perry without his glasses — I can honestly say that I no longer feel threatened by Zooey Deschanel and her ilk.

Unfortunately for these girls, however, Zooey Deschanel also serves as an object of lust for their boyfriends, sensitive neurotics who wear thick glasses, brew their own organic beer, and self-identify as feminists.

In my experience, the guys who love Zooey Deschanel see their girlfriends as placeholders for the Manic Pixie Dream Girl trope (MPDG).

Due to her offbeat personality and her unabashed lust for life, the MPDG is usually an adorable cipher, a saucer-eyed gamine whose quirky hipness and hip quirkiness make men want to change their lives for the better.

I hated that her website was called Hello Giggles, and that she regularly posted Facebook status updates that said inane things about Muppets and baby animals and mirrors.

And when I see her in the promos for — which describe her character as "adorkable" — I picture a bonfire of every flower and rainbow and Lisa Frank notebook I've ever seen.

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