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In fact, it was so well maintained that it would be easy to conclude I’d never even worn it, except for the fact that all of my classmates remember me running for touchdown after touchdown, often hopping on one foot just to make it more fair.I was so talented that even the other team would cheer for me, and often both the offense and defense would leave the field, figuring it would be more entertaining for the crowd to just sit there and watch me run around. My date to senior prom was the cast of Charlie’s Angels, except of course for that Bosley guy, and probably also not Shelley Hack because that perfume commercial still haunts me to this day.I was the editor of the literary magazine and the student newspaper, which, contrary to my expectations, did not lead to a greater incidence of dates with girls or conversations with girls or girls.They clearly felt I was so amazing a “catch” that surely some supermodel was dating me and that I was always on a yacht somewhere, which in fact was true except for the supermodel and the yacht and the dating.My classmates voted me “best.” I got tired of them always carrying me around on their shoulders.When I was 16 years old, the worst thing happened: I sold the very first short story I ever submitted anywhere.
Anyway, I never wanted to be a ball player or any of these things, I wanted to be a writer.
The Kansas City Star paid me $ 50.00, which sadly remained the most I was ever paid for a story until around 1995.
It was the worst thing because it convinced me this writing thing was going to be really easy.
Actually I’m 25, so whenever you have to be born in order to be 25, that’s when I was born. All right, so I was born and was very adorable, a condition that persists to this day.
I should probably delete the above paragraph and start over, except that as a professional writer, I strive to be lazy.